#1 IN THE BEGINNING....

 A semi-brief evolutionary excursion. 

   I can only imagine in the “GOOD OLD DAY’S” , (purely a product of bad memory), when the warmest cave and the biggest club were the main criteria for attracting members of the fairer sex, which in those days would be a very relative term, being prior to Hefner, hair care products and personal hygiene.
 
   It was a simple existence, bludgeon some hapless animal into a bloody chunk of meat, drag it back to your cave and voila!!!

   The women would claw through each other for a chance to lie on your fur lined rock. Keep in mind though that the strongest usually won so this was not necessarily a good thing, but Ogg, (that’s his name by the way), was probably more interested in a woman who could squeeze out lots of little ogglets before learning how to properly fake a headache.

   A sharp contrast from women with strong bones and good childbearing features to anorexic, Gucci clad, plasticized, bubbleheads. The culmination of years of Madison Avenue labor. Basically we dealt with the world in a primitive instinctual manner; we still do today though we tend to over-rationalize our actions and motives. Rationalize all you want but it still boils down to food, sex, and, death, (rock and roll wasn’t discovered yet). That fact not withstanding, the Madison Avenue types use these primal instincts and fears quite effectively to sell everything from A-Z and back to A again. The greater the fear of death, the more stress, the more we procreate to stave off the eventual extinction, and the more toys we buy to avoid the issue.

Where was I? Oh yeah …..

   Ogg and his mate Agnes, (yes women were smarter than men back then too, so they had real names, let’s face it bludgeoning animals for a living didn’t require a GED and still doesn’t south of the Mason Dixon). The bludgeoning process was made even easier by the fact that the really big and scary dinosaurs had long since passed into the void after a mere 500 million year existence. Though some religious groups claim they have never existed; all evidence to the contrary.

   Anyway this practice of bludgeon, breed, bludgeon some more went, on for a while until the ogglets outnumbered the available cave space and the strongest merely resorted to bludgeoning each other for the prime real estate. Basically some furry little bugger threw the first stone at some other furry little bugger to climb a social ladder (such as it was) and brought into existence martial arts, the original “Original Sin” ,at least three of the “Deadly Sins” and of course free enterprise.

   Rocks and clubs became the primary tool for bettering oneself and soon became a very popular method of obtaining prime real estate, and sexual favors from the fairly fairer members of the tribe. Eventually it went from an act of solitary self improvement to the group event of throwing rocks and waving clubs at nearby tribes, (much the same way as we’ll be fighting World War 4). In any event the barely fairer members of the tribe grew tired of the noise created by all the warring going on, and using the noise as an excuse for headaches soon commanded the attention of the men.

   Realizing that changes had to be made, and being the forward looking thinkers that they were, they knew we would never attain the glorious heights of civilization (designer fashions, cell phones, flashy cars, jewelry, cosmetics, lipo, etc, etc…) at the current rate of evolution, so they turned to a gentler more spiritual course and created imaginary beings whose teachings only they could interpret thereby putting us back on the proper course.

   Historically women pretty much ran the religious trade back in those days. They were more in tune to the smaller details of nature’s wonders, (anything not directly related to bludgeoning small animals). They would gather the plants and herbs and experiment, (mostly on the men), and developed a good understanding of what had medicinal value, what killed you, and of course what gave you a nice buzz. This, and the ability to mysteriously produce ogglets on a regular basis, pretty much put them in charge of the tribe’s spiritual endeavors.

                                                                                

 

   In contrast today, religion is just another world domination enterprise, medicinal plants still work pretty good on the naturally occurring diseases, if we don’t abuse it catching a buzz now and then isn’t bad, and medicinal experimentation is the domain of the FDA ( a wholly owned subsidiary of the pharmaceutical corporations), and the pharmaceutical corporations themselves,, (whose purview seems to be make a drug, create a disease for it, and test it on the modern day ogglets.)

   The tribe went on and flourished for a period, grunts and groans soon developed into a fairly coherent means of communication, sticks and stones soon became tools as well as weapons, the gods smiled upon us, (or maybe it was laughter, I don’t know I wasn’t there), anyway the gods smiled upon us, and we discovered fire, invented the wheel, and as far as evolution was concerned, we were going in a more or less forwardly direction. Yippee!

To be continued…………..